I cannot take a compliment.
It’s not like this is a character flaw that nags at me as I duck compliments at every turn. I do not walk in time to a cadence of kind words. But there are indeed times that a stranger or a friend has kind words for me. In fact, my husband would tell you that I am positively the worst at accepting compliments from him.
“You look nice today.”
“Those new sunglasses are great on you.”
“I loved the muffins you made. Can I get the recipe?”
“Nice job in the presentation yesterday.”
“Love your haircut! It really suits you!”
“Orange is a lovely color for you.”
“I wish I could write like you.”
To which I reply:
“Oh, this? I just grabbed the first thing I reached for in my closet.”
“Oh, thanks, they must look good because the lenses are actually clean.”
“I didn’t do anything special but I bet I can find you an even better recipe.”
“Well, you know, it was just stuff I do everyday so it was no big deal.”
“I have Stephanie to thank for that.”
“It was probably on sale because no one likes orange.”
“There are SO MANY better writers out there!”
I’m sure I’ve actually responded with even worse one-liners that border on being rude and insulting to the complimenter. Self-deprecation isn’t always charming. I wonder why it is I cannot simply say “Thank you” and carry on. Do I feel inadequate to accept the kindness? Do I feel some sort of paradox like I am feeding conceit that I should try to squash? Do I feel undeserving, the classic case of I’m-not-good-enough? Is there something in the X-chromosome to explain this?
It does seem to be a trait among women I know. We have a hard time accepting our worth, whether it’s how a simple pair of shades look on us or how our words resonate with others. Why is it so difficult to accept a compliment? I’m not alone here, right?
Someone did once tap me on the shoulder to tell me she admired my posture. That was a first. There was another time someone stopped me while I was pushing Bird in his stroller when he was a baby, and she said simply, in passing almost, “Motherhood suits you.” That’s a compliment that might not exactly be true as I still fumble my way through this journey, but when I need the reassurance, I think of that woman as I glided by with my baby and tell myself that if I had to choose just one compliment to accept, that’s the one.
It’s true we all have a hard time accepting comments. I tend to be shy so to get over this part of myself + to bring a smile to someone’s face. I walk up to a random woman every day + give them a genuine heartfelt compliment. It almost always has the same effect. The person caught so off guard, they give me a huge smile and then the downplay the comment saying something like “This old dress, I’ve had it for years.” But, I know that it made their day. And, seeing that great big smile always makes me feel better too!
It’s true we all have a hard time accepting compliments. I tend to be shy so to get over this part of myself + to bring a smile to someone’s face. I walk up to a random woman every day + give them a genuine heartfelt compliment. It almost always has the same effect. The person caught so off guard, they give me a huge smile and then the downplay the comment saying something like “This old dress, I’ve had it for years.” But, I know that it made their day. And, seeing that great big smile always makes me feel better too!
You know what? I like you. I like the things that you stand up for, that you poke sticks at. Also, your hair is very shiny today and your shoes are divine.
🙂