I Feel Fine – 5:00 Fridays

I realize that today is Friday the 13th. I don’t have any friends named Jason so I’m not too worried. In my younger years I stressed about every crack in the sidewalk, black cat crossing my path, and ladder propped against a house. My face turned various shades of plum as I puffed out my cheeks holding my breath every time we passed a cemetery. I grew up in the heart of America’s battlefields so I was particularly cautious. I was a superstitious nervous wreck. Now I blithely step on cracks without a wince. I’m pretty sure my mom’s recent broken ribs had nothing to do with that. Blame it on kitten heels on old D.C. sidewalks.

While many people preach doom and gloom and the rapture dancing at our feet, I think the end of the world as we know it has nothing to do with dates and numbers. The end of the world as I know it happened when Mike Seaver (Kirk Cameron in real life) started not only acting in the Left Behind movies but started hyping that doomsday crap too. There’s lots of fear mongering going on these days, and the fact that it happens to be Friday the 13th today doesn’t make me shudder or think twice about leaving my house. I think Friday the 13th is just the day between the 12th and 14th. I refuse to give in to the torrent of fear and premonitions of bad luck. I’m bracing myself for the fear factor that’s sure to pollute the airwaves come election season. You know how all those gays who want to get married and children who want a decent education can strike us down at any moment.

If the end of the world is really upon us, then I’m channeling Michael Stipe.

I Feel Fine

1 ounce gin

1 ounce Cointreau

3 ounces tangerine juice (fresh if you can snag a case of tangerines for a good deal)

splash lemon-lime soda

Fill a highball glass with ice. Add gin, Cointreau, and tangerine juice. Top with a splash of lemon-lime soda. Plop in a slice of tangerine to make your cocktail look pretty. Stir. Sip. Step on some cracks.

Now go dig up your old R.E.M. vinyl and inhale the brilliance of Michael Stipe.