I slept in fits last night. I’m not a great sleeper under the best of circumstances, but this is different. I can feel it from the inside out.
There are two things I do when I am either stressed or elated. I write and I eat. I’ve had a head full of ideas but have not found the mojo to put fingers to keyboard. I am grappling with making sense of this place we are in. I’m tangled in the emotional weeds of fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration, gratitude, and even a tish of relief. I am thankful to be with people I love in a home where I want for nothing. I am relieved my pace has slowed. I try to be conscious of this, but worry creeps in through the cracks and bubbles over. I am trying to hold it together for my family, but I failed at this the other day, leaving my oldest in a tough spot to console me when I was overcome with tears. We are in dire times.
Yet there are people who are treating these times as a hurricane party. We tend to go a bit crazy during natural disasters and relish the opportunity for some shenanigans, knowing there will be an end eventually. This is not the case right now. We don’t know when the storm will blow over, and we don’t have prior experience to rebuild. In the words of the inimitable David Byrne, this ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no foolin’ around.
Some of you aren’t taking this seriously. I see you palling around with friends with no physical distancing. This is not the time to be chummy in person. Stop posting about day drinking together, having dinner with friends, or hunting the sale racks at Target. Look, I’ve found that I have a paucity of athleisure wear during these work-from-home times, but I’m not wandering the clothing racks right now. And this is from a woman who loves to shop. I am unapologetically judgy right now. Stay the fuck home.
I am the consummate extrovert so all this time at home is rough on me. Listen, I love my family and do enjoy time with them. Bird and Deal are smart and funny and introduce me to new music. We can watch all sorts of movies together now that they’re teenagers. Mac Daddy is pretty much my favorite person, but too much of a good thing is still…too much. My friend Rusty of our favorite neighborhood watering hole and gift shop, the Green Monkey, summed up what I’m feeling when he said, “The Monkey wasn’t built on social distancing. The Monkey was built on socializing.”
Let’s continue to connect and find creative ways to be together. Yesterday I enjoyed a 30-minute virtual happy hour with friends. We clinked glasses, and I burst with joy seeing their faces. A friend facetimed me last night, and I was instantly reminded of the magic of her smile. Today I’ll have a web based cocktail hour with my Shot@Life sisters. We have been vaccine and global health advocates for many years together so this is a time we are uniquely suited for.
I’m getting outdoors every day. Lark loves having all his people at home. Dogs are faring the best in this new world, right? I am not setting audacious goals for myself. I will not have tight abs by the end of this. I will not have written a book, cleaned my pantry, learned to sew, or read a book a day. That’s cool if you want to tackle all the things. You do you. I’ll be over here working, putzing, cooking, walking my dog, giving my boys kisses in between nagging them to clean up after themselves, writing letters, and intentionally slowing down. I’m going to love more and do less.
Mother Earth is a twisted woman who has given us a global etch-a-sketch shake. We have a chance to recalibrate. Don’t fuck this up, people.