Weighting Game

by Ilinap on May 31, 2017

I was long overdue for a visit to the doctor. Just regular check up maintenance to ensure my parts are all working. I’m lucky to be pushing 50 with no creaky bits and achey joints. Since I never played sports as a kid or took up running, I guess I never punished my body. I played and ran around, of course, but I was not an athlete. No one who knows me would use my name and “athlete” in the same sentence. I’m just happy to be able to sit on the ground and pop back up without popping anything out of place. I’m actually feeling pretty good these days.

I went in to the doc recently and stood on the scale. My shoes had complicated, insensible buckles so I didn’t bother taking them off. I sucked in my stomach as I tiptoed onto the scale. Does anyone else do this…suck in your stomach when you get on a scale? I don’t own a scale at home and don’t really see the point of having one to trip over. I’ve always relied on how my clothes fit to know if I should cut down on ice cream and amp up my activity. Gravity takes its toll so things have shifted and sagged. But hey, I’m not creaky and achey so there’s that!

When I stepped on that scale I read a number I haven’t seen since I was pregnant. Ouch. I was hoping the nurse deducted a bit for the shoes. Surely platform heels count for at lease five pounds, right? You see, I’ve been eating my feelings since November 9. #ThanksTrump

There’s nothing like the paradox of wanting to go home and eat a hot fudge sundae because you don’t like the number on the scale. I’ve never let the scale results carry much weight, but somehow it’s admittedly different now. I should be in a place that I feel more comfortable in my skin, yet that’s not entirely true. I’m trying. I could embrace my mushy bits. I could kick ass at the gym to do something about it. I could start juicing and cleansing. But let’s be honest, none of that is going to happen. I’m still a small person and reasonably fit. I won’t wallow in a number and I won’t whine about weight. I know things change as we age, even if I don’t always recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror. I will adjust my activity and ice cream intake to ensure my clothes are comfortable against my skin, even if I’m not totally comfortable in it.

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