Filthy Martini – 5:00 Fridays

I have a confession. My house is filthy. Filthy, I tell you.

I never let it get this bad. I was so overcome with dread and not knowing where to even begin that I broke down and called my former cleaning lady. Her job here was relatively easy because I used to keep a tidy house. She took a look around this time and remarked, “I hate to tell you this, but your house is filthy.” Those were her exact words. I laughed and hugged her and told her that’s why I called. I’ve simply been too busy and scattered to tackle the deep cleaning lately. Dust bunnies have been multiplying more quickly than hares in heat at a Viagra boondoggle.

My house sparkled for a good 20 minute, just in time for Thanksgiving guests.

We had a friend over for Thanksgiving dinner. He was helping us clear the table and clean up when Mac Daddy noticed crumbled bits of pie crust on the floor. I was hyper ventilating and couldn’t take action. Mac Daddy zipped to the mudroom to grab our new Bissell Lift-Off Floors and More. Bissell kindly sent me one to try, which was totally apropos since this is Chez Dirt & Noise. Now you know that I don’t normally do product stuff and I don’t want to write about free things people send me all the time. In fact, I turn down 99% of offers I get for free stuff. It’s just not my thing. But the vacuum spoke to me.

I whined about our old vacuum recently and told Mac Daddy that I’d rather have a new vacuum than an iPhone. See how delirious I’ve been? We have another vacuum that works perfectly fine, but it’s all the way upstairs. Yes, I’m so spoiled that I have a vacuum on each floor. Anyway, Bissell actually asked me if I’d be interested in trying a new fangled carpet steamer thingee they have, the Lift-Off Deep Cleaning System. In standard fashion, I politely declined and remarked that I actually have hardwood floors and area rugs so I’m not the target market anyway. The ever so pleasant lady from Bissell said she had just the thing for me. Because I rather enjoyed her and I needed some new vacuum options, I said yes.

Vacumming is neither fun nor sexy. I have vacuumed while donning an awfully fancy bejeweled necklace and heels once just to be all Betty Draper about my household chores, but that didn’t help. I love to have a clean house but I hate to clean. This is a most unfortunate combination. When Mac Daddy grabbed the new Bissell and started sucking up the pie crust crumbs, he was audibly impressed. In fact, our friend, an extraordinarily tall man’s man, came over and wanted a go at it. He took the vacuum in his hands and was all, “ooh, aah” about it. He and Mac Daddy proceeded to sing the virtues of the new Bissell. I suppose this is what fatherhood does to a modern man.

I was cracking up. I was also equally impressed.

In fact, I was so impressed that I’m dedicating this 5:00 Fridays to my new partner in grime.

Filthy Martini

3 ounces Bombay Sapphire gin
1/2 ounce Toss peppertini martini mixer (olive brine infused with habanero peppers)
sliver of 1 habanero pepper
2 olives

Put some ice in a stainless cocktail shaker. Add the gin, olive brine, and habanero sliver. Shake until your fingers feel icicly. Strain into a martini glass and garnish with the olives. Add some more habanero if you’re feeling especially filthy.

 

Disclosure: Bissell sent me a free vacuum with no expectations to post anything. The opinions are all mine, and I was not compensated. There are no affiliate links in this post.