I’m sorry if it seems I’m prattling on about Penn State (and now the Citadel). I literally cannot stop thinking about it. I look at my innocent Bird and Deal and want to scoop them up to protect them forever. I cannot begin to imagine the lives of those abused boys. I cannot imagine the rage and heartache their parents must feel. I cannot imagine how they move on. I cannot imagine how we let this happen.
We send our children out into this world and can only relay that it is sometimes scary. Scary might mean a bully on the playground or a car zooming by too fast. Scary might mean monsters in the closet or a neighborhood dog who barks and gnashes his teeth from behind a chain link fence. Scary might mean going to a funeral or a new school or on stage for your first piano recital. Scary is relative, of course. As parents we try to balance the fear factor with reality. We talk about the danger of running into the road to chase a ball or driving without a seatbelt. We even tread into stranger danger territory, which I find numbingly difficult. I tend to talk too much and my conversation degenerates to drivel, leaving my sons confused and wondering why I’m breathing heavily and drooling. You might say I am a bit of a Nervous Nellie. I am clearly ill-equipped to deal with the hard stuff.
This is precisely why I have not mentioned Penn State to my sons. Mac Daddy and I have shielded them from this news. Bird was watching the beginning of the Penn State game on Saturday, but we distracted him long enough to miss the news coverage. He did ask about the candlelight vigil scenes, and we simply told him that the school was praying for some kids who were hurt there. The problem is that the Penn State news is everywhere. Everywhere. My sons can read so when we pass a newsstand they can read the headlines. Perhaps I am overreacting, but I haven’t taken them to the grocery store since the news has hit because I know the magazines and newspapers will be laden with Penn State headlines. It’s not that I’m avoiding the issue as much as I am trying to find my way to explain it.
How can I tell them to be cautious with the very people and institutions we entrust them to? How can I explain the vile actions of Sandusky to innocent minds who have no context for such horror? How can I explain molestation to children who still think the “F-word” is fart? This is too much for their young minds and untarnished souls. This is too much for me to face head on. It’s irresponsible to cover up the news. It’s heartbreaking to uncover the truth.
How does a mother tell her 8 and 6 year old sons about sexual abuse?
I’m so glad to see you write this. I feel like I’ve been alone in my struggle. I too have been turning off the TV,/radio and avoiding anything printed about this while in the presence of my six year old son. Just thinking of the story has me on the verge of rage and tears, while the thought of trying to explain this to him is beyond me. I don’t want to instill fear or create trust issues, but I need him to know what actions are not okay no matter who it is (stranger or not). I’m sorry I can’t enlighten you with answers, but I’m grateful to know you are struggling along with me.
I have no answer to your question. I’m moved by your post and feel the exact same way about shielding my children. I’ve been stunned by all this. Thank you for writing this, Ilina. You put so well into words what’s been rattling around in my brain for days.
i haven’t tried either. we’ve had that “no one can touch your private parts” conversation, a number of times, but the step after that? the “someone might actually try” piece? gah.